


Never Not

by pcy_kyh



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Minor sungpil, Post-Break Up, friends with benefits?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24490813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcy_kyh/pseuds/pcy_kyh
Summary: Jae and Brian broke up three months ago, but you see, they really can’t let go of each other.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	Never Not

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Lauv’s song Never Not, which was the song I was listening to when I wrote this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!

  
Jae and Brian broke up three months ago, but you see, they really can’t let go of each other.

  
Jamie has told Jae that he is self-destructing, but Jae just couldn’t stop. Everytime Brian calls him, he just can’t say no to the younger. So even if he knows that this is no way for him to forget about the younger and move on with his life, he just continues on. He continuously clings to Brian and the remnants of their old relationship.  
  


It started exactly a month ago, two months after they mutually decided to call it quits. Jae was trying to finish his paper that will cost him 10% of his grade when Brian’s number flashed on his phone screen. He refused to block it no matter how many times Jamie told him to do so, he insists he is not a bitter ex, they ended on mutual agreement, there is nothing Jae should block Brian for. Except he does stupid things with Brian and for Brian.  
  


He answers on the third ring, “Jaaeeeeee? Baaaaabeee?” That was the first red flag, he should’ve ended that call knowing that Brian was drunk out of his mind, drunk enough to call Jae. But he didn’t.

“Bri? You’re drunk, where are you?” Jae heard a few voices in the background and immediately recognized Sungjin’s “this is not a good idea.” 

Brian was so drunk that the only thing Jae understood in that phone call was he’s in this bar just a few blocks away from their university campus. Jae didn’t even think twice when he grabbed his car keys to get the younger.

Their common friends were there when Jae arrived surrounding a sleeping Brian. Wonpil greeted him with a hesitant smile, and Jae knows what the younger is thinking. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” They all greeted him with a hug and watched as he tries to steady Brian, arms around the younger’s waist.

“I could drive him home Jae.” Sungjin volunteers, always the thoughtful one.

“It’s 3am Sungjin, you and Pil should rest too. He probably won’t even remember this.” He says with a smile just to placate the two younger guys. This is one of the disadvantages when you date within your circle of friends, it gets hard for everyone when you guys break up.

“I should’ve stopped him when I saw him reaching for his phone. Sorry Jae.” Sungjin tells him as he too holds on to his boyfriend, getting ready to leave the bar.

“Call us if anything happens Jae, and again, we’re sorry.” He taps Wonpil in the shoulder as if to reassure him that it really is no big deal with him and watches as the two exits the bar.

He straps Brian on the passenger seat of his car and starts the drive to the younger’s dorm. A road way too familiar for Jae. There was no music in the car, afraid that it might wake the younger up, so he settles to listening to Brian’s soft breathing. 

Brian hasn’t changed the passcode to his dorm and Jae doesn’t know whether to cry or smile with that information. He struggles for a bit but he was able to tuck Brian in in his bed. Just as he was about to leave, the younger grabs his arm. The second red flag. Jae has watched too many dramas and movies to know that this is a heartbreak waiting to happen. But Brian took away his heart with him when they broke up so technically, there’s no more hearts to break.

“Please stay.”

Two months, they have broken up for two months now but Brian still has Jae wrapped around his finger. Jae thinks he also wanted it to happen because instead of freeing himself from the younger’s grip, he decided to stay.

It wasn’t even long until Brian started trailing kisses from his jaw, to his neck until he reaches his collarbone. Jae remained there, letting Brian take whatever he wants. Oh how he missed holding the younger in his arms, soft moans tickling his ears as the younger expresses what he can’t say aloud with his body.

Brian took his time marking Jae’s neck as if the older wasn’t reminded everyday of who he belongs to, even months after they broke up. The younger’s hands wandered to places he’s long memorized, touching and feeling every inch of Jae’s perfect body. 

“I need you Jae.”

And just like that, all his defenses (as if there were defenses to begin with) melted. All he knows is how much he missed Brian, and how much he still loves him.

That night, as they both reach euphoria, hand in hand, hearts beating as one, Jae let his tears fall. Heart breaking once again for a love he can’t hold on to.

Once the deed was done, and he felt Brian asleep beside him, he forced himself to get up and pick-up the pieces of his self. Jae thinks it’s funny, how he was always credited for being sharp, definitely a son of his lawyer father, a testament of how good their family of lawyers are, but with Brian, his brain just short-circuits, blurring the line between right and wrong. Oh the things Jae does for love.  
  


...

The next time it happened they were at Jackson’s party, celebrating their last few days as college students. Jamie has dragged Jae out of his room, not knowing that Brian will also be there. Jae was busy hiding from everyone else as he nurse a bottle of beer when the door to the room he was staying in opened. The universe is really funny. In the doorway stood a drunk Brian, he was alone, alcohol evident on his system as he tries to stand straight. 

“Jae?” Brian asks quietly. The older watched as the younger slowly close and lock the door. He was holding his breath, watching the younger slowly make his way towards him. And the next thing he knows, he was being pinned on the bed, the younger on top of him, taking his breath away with how deep and emotional their kiss was.

“I miss you.” Jae almost said it but he was too afraid that if he say anything, the spell would be broken, that they will be brought to the reality where this, whatever they have cannot happen. The kiss was slow, full of words they were too afraid to say. Hands explored expanse of skin, clothes discarded on the floor. 

“I need you Jae” and just like the very first time Park Jaehyung heard that, he knew he was a goner. Even if it’s only in moments like these, he’ll take it. 

Just like a moth to a flame, Brian and Jae kept finding their way to each other no matter how hard they tried to stay away. And just like listening to your old favorite song, Jae felt home in Brian’s arms.  
  


So when Jae finds himself in the same situation a week after, and the week after that, he stopped thinking and decided to just dive head first. If he isn’t going to be with Brian, he’s willing to take whatever the younger would give, even if it meant giving away a part of him.

The thing is, the two didn’t break up because they no longer loved each other. Jae rather thinks that they’re both just being practical. They are in their last year of college, Brian would fly back to Canada after college to join his father’s business and Jae would go back to LA to pursue Law then join his father’s law firm. They have their lives planned out for them, no spare rooms for each other. So without too much drama they decided that they better end the relationship now rather than prolong it. The longer they stay together, the harder it will get for them when the time comes, so they shook hands like business partners closing a deal and said goodbye to their times together.

Except they still love each other. Brian would never say that out loud, but when he holds Jae, and whispers his name like a mantra, Jae doesn’t need anymore words. They would lay awake at night, questioning how the world can be so cruel and let them meet and fall in love only to tear them apart.

Sometimes they would dream about running away, their futures be damned. Who needs money to their names if they can’t be with the person they love? Sometimes Brian would hold Jae’s hand before the morning comes, before they face the reality again. 

  
...

It was five in the morning, they were at Brian’s dorm per usual, sitting side by side with their naked backs against the headboard, tired but sated from a whole night of lovemaking.

It was the first time that the other didn’t fall asleep after they had sex, and Jae knew right then and there, just like how he knew Brian was going to bring up the idea of their break up all those months ago.

“I’m leaving the day after graduation. Dad’s secretary emailed me my flight details this morning, got me the earliest flight to Toronto.” Brian says quietly. Jae doesn’t have the energy to look at the younger, afraid that if he as much as steal a glance at the younger he would break,damn all those months of holding back and beg, beg him to stay, to not leave him. Sensing the older’s hesitance to speak up the younger continued, “Dad has been wanting to retire for years now, he just wants me to go back there and be over with it.” The younger smiles at that, reminisces of phone calls with his parents, eager for their only son to come home.

Jae felt the younger smile at the mention of his dad. Brian has always been a good son, the type parents flaunt to their friends every gathering, that type of son any parents would love to have. How could Jae compete with that? How could he ask him to stay? 

“Do you think Bri, if you weren’t Kang Brian, only heir to your father’s company and I wasn’t my father’s son, we would have a chance?” Would you have stayed with me and build a life together? He wanted to continue but held back.

“You know, I often think about that but then I’ll realize if it wasn’t for my parents sending me halfway across the globe to prepare me for the family business then I wouldn’t have met you. I wouldn’t know what love was.” Brian was staring at him now, love evident on his eyes as he held back tears. They promised after they broke up that they will never cry over their relationship, that they will only celebrate and remember the good times they had, no regrets.

“I love you Bri. I’ll never not love you.” It took everything in him to say those words he’s been holding in, but tonight, as they savor their remaining days together, Jae decided to stop being afraid. “I know you’re gonna make your parents proud.” He says with a smile, hands reaching for the younger’s warm ones.

“I love you too Jae, I know you’re gonna be one heck of a lawyer. I would probably fear ever crossing you.” they laugh at that, Jae enjoying the melodious laughter of the younger thinking about how much he’ll miss this, just them laughing at everything and nothing. How much he’ll miss the way Brian’s eyes crinkle when he laughs, his warm hands, calloused with the years of playing bass keeping his hands from getting cold, his deep morning voice waking him up from their passionate nights, the way he pouts when he’s hungry, but most importantly, he’ll miss his Brian. He’ll miss his calming presence, the way he reminds him to believe in himself, the way he holds him when the pressure gets too much, and the way he makes him feel like he can do anything with his love. 

So for one last time, he holds the face of the younger, memorizing every feature, ingraining everything to memory. Brian was the one who closed the gap between them, kissing him as if it’s their last (which will be for a long time), it was slow and passionate, both savoring every second of it. Afraid that if they separate now, the other will disappear from their grasp. They broke apart with the need for air but never staying away from one another. With their foreheads pressed together, and their lips not even an inch apart, Brian mutters,

“I love you Park Jaehyung, I will never not love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think about it? :)


End file.
